and let go of

Memories (push and pull)

Hands over ears
Curled up on the floor
Muffled voices
Shouting and screaming
Wet cheeks
And the noises I make
To block it out
Hearing their lies
Watching the strongest
Person I know
Be broken down
Piece by piece
And not understanding
Standing helplessly
With no words
As you take advantage
Of my silence
Dreading each morning
And not understanding why
My heart being ripped out
Every time you said those words
"I'm leaving"
And the tears that drowned me
When you did
Things in my head
That I didn't understand
And made me feel so sick
Guilt and shame
Because I didn't understand
Fears and wishes
Of and For Death
Hiding the pain
That I caused myself
And wishing you'd see
The experiments and calculations
The chances I took
And the ones I missed
And that I didn't care
And that I did
So much

Memories of days, moments in my life
Where fear and sadness were all that I felt
I hold onto them
Because they're the little things
That even now
Make me scream

Sister piece to: [link]