Sunshine And Heavy Rain 6

6

368977 opened her eyes and for a moment was disorientated and confused. Only for the briefest of moments though.

A brief moment spent in blissful ignorance.

Blissful ignorance of the world around her, of her life, of the minutes and hours she spent crying, alone, and in pain, before she'd finally fallen asleep.

She didn't want those memories, and shut her eyes to try to block them out. But she couldn't block them, she could never block them.

She pushed herself up. And sat on her bed, legs half curled beneath her.

Her room wasn't quite as grey anymore she noticed. It was now in colour, but the shades and tones were dulled down from their usual appearance she was sure.

Light streamed in from the window in on the wall to the right of her, but it was missing it's vibrancy...it was as if it had just been painted there rather than actually existing. She thought little of it and concentrated on getting out of bad.

Onto her feet.

Then one unnatural feeling footstep after the other as she walked the length of her bedroom to the door.

The door handle squeaked as she pressed it down but it sounded like a distant echo to her.

She pulled the door open and walked out into the hallway. And just like her room the colours were all dulled, the light bulb gave off a light that didn't quite seem bright enough and though she could feel the rough and textured carpet beneath her bare feet it felt as if her skin was half numbed.

As she walked she got the sensation that she wasn't really walking down the hall, that she wasn't really, it felt almost like a dream as her head began to ascend into chaos.

Thoughts came at her from all directions, one didn't finish before another began, and her lips moved, small almost inaudible sounds came from her mouth, but she didn't really recognise them as her own.

Her hands she noticed had moved up to her head, her fingers intertwined with her hair now, she was pulling at it.

Occasionally one of her hands would lift from her head and hit then hit it hard with a thud on her skull.

Another sensation that felt almost unreal.

'It's real. This is real. It's not real. It can't be real. This isn't...' 368977 started whispering to herself. Pulling harder on her hair. Hitting harder.

'It's not...it's not it is real it can't be real it's not real it's not it's real it's real it can't berealnotrealisrealitynonononnono!' She collapsed onto the floor just at the top of the stairs.

Tears streamed from her eyes and she felt as if her mind was clogged. No longer able to separate one thought to think about it.

Every effort to do so that she made was in vain. As the thought was fleeting. Briefly making it into her conscious before being thrust aside again.      

368977 went through all of the motions of crying, even making the sounds of someone in pain. She was in PAIN. Too much. But despite that, no tears came from her eyes.

Not a solitary one.

She soon calmed herself again. Though she still couldn't think straight. There was a buzzing inside of her, an energy that she knew couldn't be gotten rid of by taking a walk, or dancing, or any amount of physical exercise. Maybe...maybe it wasn't a physical energy.

She looked at the flight of stairs in front of her. In her mind it went on forever, the bottom was a distant blur to her.

For the fist time that day 368977 noticed the pouring rain. It was beating down hard on the windows. And created the perfect soundtrack she thought.

She stared down at the stairs, descending so perfectly she thought.

So very perfectly.

She used every piece of energy she had to pick herself up off the floor and dangled her toes from the edge of the top step.

Down.

The darkness.

Each jagged step.

She pictured herself toppling down, The sharp edges tearing into her skin. Spilling blood.

She pictured herself laying at the bottom. In perfect darkness. Lifeless.

A faceless and nameless body would find her. Tears would be shed.

Life would go on.

368977 closed her eyes. Darkness.

She felt herself sway. But knew that she was in control.

She played with gravity as id it were her best friend. Playing with her arms, the different positions she could put them in and how effective they were at helping her keep her balance.

Side to side. Back and forth.

She tested gravity's patience with her. She wanted to know how far she could push it before it punished her.





That was it.

Her entire body took blows. Numbed blows. She felt the pain, but just like everything else, it was half blocked out.

She took each knock and bang in her stride as she soared gracefully, in her mind skimming the stairs.

Then darkness

Peace.

Bliss.

Then that blinding light. It hurt her closed eyes that she refused to open.

And voices. They were calling a name.

Her name?

Perhaps.

But she wasn't listening.

She wouldn't. Not ever!

She blocked out the voices, the sounds. Kept her eyes closed and ignored the light. She wouldn't pay it any attention, she refused.

It faded. The light, the sounds. Faded into silence and darkness.

Silence and darkness.

She liked the silence and darkness.